Citas inspiradoras

Versículos especialmente reconfortantes, impregnados de amor, tolerancia, paz, inteligencia y elevación espiritual

Los fundadores de este reboot de la saga abrahámica entendieron una cosa: lo carnal y lo material se venden mejor que lo espiritual. De ahí un paraíso mucho mejor surtido que el cristiano, donde los resucitados «ni se casarán ni se darán en casamiento» (Mateo 22:30). Difícil de vender. La versión islámica ofrece ríos de vino (47:15) y, sobre todo, vírgenes:

«En ambos jardines habrá doncellas de mirada recatada, a quienes ningún humano ni yinn ha tocado jamás».
Corán 55:56

El Corán no da ninguna cifra: las famosas 72 vírgenes proceden de un hadiz, como bonificación para los mártires (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1663). Una perspectiva tentadora, lo admito, aunque personalmente prefiero a las mujeres con experiencia. La competencia es feroz en el mercado del más allá, así que no tiene sentido escatimar en promesas. Al fin y al cabo, ningún cliente ha vuelto nunca a pedir un reembolso.

A diferencia de las demás religiones abrahámicas, el islam no se conforma con explotar nuestras angustias existenciales: también juega con nuestras hormonas. Las de los seres humanos de pleno derecho, por supuesto. No las de sus subordinadas, las mujeres, que según el Profeta constituyen la mayoría de los moradores del infierno (Sahih al-Bujari 29).

Además, su inteligencia es deficiente, y en este punto Alá y su Mensajero coinciden. Alá exige dos mujeres para sustituir a un testigo varón, por si una de ellas olvida (2:282), y las describe como incapaces de «imponerse en las disputas» (43:18). El Profeta saca la conclusión: «Esta es la deficiencia de su inteligencia» (Sahih al-Bujari 304). Y de todas las pruebas que dejó tras de sí, ninguna es «más dura para los hombres que las mujeres» (Sahih al-Bujari 5096).

Aconsejo leer estos versículos en varias sesiones, repartidas a lo largo de un período bastante largo. Tragarse tanta sabiduría y poesía divinas de una sola vez podría ser peligroso: tu cerebro podría no sobrevivir al impacto.

Los críticos audaces del islam objetarán que muchos otros versículos llamativos merecían un lugar aquí. Sin duda. Pero el objetivo no es copiar el Corán entero: esta antología de instrucciones del Creador de todas las cosas ya es lo bastante picante y voluminosa así. Irá creciendo con el tiempo.

Para ahorrarte tiempo, he puesto en negrita los pasajes clave de cada versículo.

La traducción al inglés del significado de los versículos coránicos que figuran a continuación es obra del Dr. Mustafa Khattab. Puedes encontrar otras traducciones de los versículos presentados a continuación en quran.com.

Cabe señalar que algunos defensores de Alá afirman que todas las traducciones alteran profundamente el sentido de los versículos. Según varios exmusulmanes arabófonos, las traducciones suelen estar edulcoradas y suavizadas con eufemismos en comparación con la versión árabe original. La versión original es, al parecer, a menudo más sombría que las traducciones.

Basta de cháchara: empecemos.

80 versículosPágina 4 de 4
  • And remember, O Prophet, when you said to the one for whom Allah has done a favour and you too have done a favour, “Keep your wife and fear Allah,” while concealing within yourself what Allah was going to reveal. And so you were considering the people, whereas Allah was more worthy of your consideration. So when Zaid totally lost interest in keeping his wife, We gave her to you in marriage, so that there would be no blame on the believers for marrying the ex-wives of their adopted sons after their divorce. And Allah’s command is totally binding.

    Sura 33, versículo 37 #ThisVerseIsVeryPracticalForTheGuru#LongLivePolygyny#DownWithPolyandry
  • “O Prophet! We have made lawful for you your wives to whom you have paid their full dowries as well as those bondwomen in your possession, whom Allah has granted you. And you are allowed to marry the daughters of your paternal uncles and aunts, and the daughters of your maternal uncles and aunts, who have emigrated like you. Also allowed for marriage is a believing woman who offers herself to the Prophet without dowry if he is interested in marrying her—this is exclusively for you, not for the rest of the believers. We know well what rulings We have ordained for the believers in relation to their wives and those bondwomen in their possession. As such, there would be no blame on you. And Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

    Sura 33, versículo 50 #AVerseThatComesAtTheRightTime#AllahIsAProudSlaver#AllahSpoilsHisChampion#RaelPlagiarizedMomo#TheVerseThatAuthorizesHaremsForMomoAndTheCaliphs
  • “It is not lawful for you O Prophet to marry more women after this, nor can you replace any of your present wives with another, even if her beauty may attract you—except those bondwomen in your possession. And Allah is ever Watchful over all things.”

    Sura 33, versículo 52 #AllahIsASlaver
  • “O believers! Do not enter the homes of the Prophet without permission and if invited for a meal, do not come too early and linger until the meal is ready. But if you are invited, then enter on time. Once you have eaten, then go on your way, and do not stay for casual talk. Such behaviour is truly annoying to the Prophet, yet he is too shy to ask you to leave. But Allah is never shy of the truth. And when you believers ask his wives for something, ask them from behind a barrier. This is purer for your hearts and theirs. And it is not right for you to annoy the Messenger of Allah, nor ever marry his wives after him. This would certainly be a major offence in the sight of Allah.”

    Sura 33, versículo 53 #MuhammadIsAVeryShyMan#TheTyrannyOfMaleSexHormones#TestosteroneRules#AllahReducesMaleFemaleRelationshipsToSexualAttraction
  • “There is no blame on the Prophet’s wives if they appear unveiled before their fathers, their sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their fellow Muslim women, and those bondspeople in their possession. And be mindful of Allah O wives of the Prophet! Surely Allah is a Witness over all things.”

    Sura 33, versículo 55 #AllahIsASlaver
  • “O Prophet! Ask your wives, daughters, and believing women to draw their cloaks over their bodies. In this way it is more likely that they will be recognized as virtuous and not be harassed. And Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

    Sura 33, versículo 59 #SandrineRousseauSaveUs#TheTyrannyOfMaleSexHormones#TestosteroneRules
  • “So We will certainly make the disbelievers taste a severe punishment, and We will surely repay them according to the worst of their deeds. That is the reward of Allah’s enemies: the Fire, which will be their eternal home—a fitting reward for their denial of Our revelations.”

    Sura 41, versículos 27–28 #AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsATyrant#AllahIsACriminal#AllahIsHumanInTheWorstPossibleWay#AllahIsAnythingButDivine#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Do they attribute to Him those (women) who are brought up in fineries and are not commanding in disputes?”

    Sura 43, versículo 18 #AllahIsMisogynistic#SandrineRousseauSaveUs
  • “So when you meet the disbelievers in battle, strike their necks until you have thoroughly subdued them, then bind them firmly. Later free them either as an act of grace or by ransom until the war comes to an end. So will it be. Had Allah willed, He Himself could have inflicted punishment on them. But He does this only to test some of you by means of others. And those who are martyred in the cause of Allah, He will never render their deeds void.”

    Sura 47, versículo 4 #AllahIsWarlike#AllahProneViolenceAmongHumanBeings#AllahIsUltraViolent#AllahLovesItWhenPeopleSacrificeTheirLivesForHisProject#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Then how horrible will it be when the angels take their souls, beating their faces and backs!”

    Sura 47, versículo 27 #WithAllahEvenAngelsAreEvilMurderousAndViolent
  • “And whoever does not believe in Allah and His Messenger, then We surely have prepared for the disbelievers a blazing Fire.”

    Sura 48, versículo 13 #AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsATyrant#AllahIsACriminal#AllahIsHumanInTheWorstPossibleWay#AllahIsAnythingButDivine#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • Say to nomadic Arabs, who stayed behind, “You will be called to fight against a people of great might, who you will fight unless they submit. If you then obey, Allah will grant you a fine reward. But if you turn away as you did before, He will inflict upon you a painful punishment.” There is no blame on the blind, or the disabled, or the sick for staying behind. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger will be admitted by Him into Gardens under which rivers flow. But whoever turns away will be subjected by Him to a painful punishment.

    Sura 48, versículos 16–17 #AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsATyrant#AllahIsACriminal#AllahIsHumanInTheWorstPossibleWay#AllahIsAnythingButDivine#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “And He created the pairs—males and females—from a sperm-drop when it is emitted.”

    Sura 53, versículos 45–46 #AllahIsIgnorantAboutBiology#WhatDoesScienceThinkAboutThis
  • “In both Gardens will be maidens of modest gaze, who no human or jinn has ever touched before.”

    Sura 55, versículo 56 #ParadiseIsABrothel#Miam#IWantToBecomeAMuslim#AllahForgetWhatISaidYouAreTheBest#ZeusIsNotEvenInYourLeague
  • “You will never find a people who truly believe in Allah and the Last Day loyal to those who defy Allah and His Messenger, even if they were their parents, children, siblings, or extended family. For those believers, Allah has instilled faith in their hearts and strengthened them with a spirit from Him. He will admit them into Gardens under which rivers flow, to stay there forever. Allah is pleased with them and they are pleased with Him. They are the party of Allah. Indeed, Allah’s party is bound to succeed.”

    Sura 58, versículo 22 #IslamIsASect#AllahRefusesBrotherhoodBetweenMuslimsAndUnbelievers#IncitementToCommunitarianism#TypicalBehaviorOfASect#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • You already have an excellent example in Abraham and those with him, when they said to their people, “We totally dissociate ourselves from you and shun whatever idols you worship besides Allah. We reject you. The enmity and hatred that has arisen between us and you will last until you believe in Allah alone.” The only exception is when Abraham said to his father, “I will seek forgiveness for you,” adding, “but I cannot protect you from Allah at all.” The believers prayed, “Our Lord! In You we trust. And to You we always turn. And to You is the final return.

    Sura 60, versículo 4 #IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding#NoToleranceForOtherOpinions
  • “As for your women past the age of menstruation, in case you do not know, their waiting period is three months, and those who have not menstruated as well. As for those who are pregnant, their waiting period ends with delivery. And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make their matters easy for them.”

    Sura 65, versículo 4 #AllahAllowsPedophilia
  • “And those who fear the punishment of their Lord—knowing that none should feel secure from their Lord’s punishment—and those who guard their chastity except with their wives or those bondwomen in their possession, for then they are free from blame, but whoever seeks beyond that are the transgressors.”

    Sura 70, versículos 27–31 #Liberticide#AllahIsASlaver#AllahGovernsWithTheHeinousWeaponOfFear
  • “And your fellow man is not insane. And he did see that angel on the clear horizon, and he does not withhold what is revealed to him of the unseen. And this Quran is not the word of an outcast devil.”

    Sura 81, versículos 22–25 #DontTakeMeForAnIdiot#WhatAreYouSmoking#AndMyAssIsARoastChicken#TwoBitSpirituality
  • “Indeed, those who disbelieve from the People of the Book and the polytheists will be in the Fire of Hell, to stay there forever. They are the worst of all beings. Indeed, those who believe and do good—they are the best of all beings.”

    Sura 98, versículos 6–7 #AllahIsJudeophobic#AllahIsChristianophobic#AllahIsDisbelieverphobic#NoToleranceForOtherOpinions#AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsACriminal#AllahIsFascist#AllahIsTyrannical#IslamicSystemicRacism#IslamicSupremacism#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
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