Citas inspiradoras

Versículos especialmente reconfortantes, impregnados de amor, tolerancia, paz, inteligencia y elevación espiritual

Los fundadores de este reboot de la saga abrahámica entendieron una cosa: lo carnal y lo material se venden mejor que lo espiritual. De ahí un paraíso mucho mejor surtido que el cristiano, donde los resucitados «ni se casarán ni se darán en casamiento» (Mateo 22:30). Difícil de vender. La versión islámica ofrece ríos de vino (47:15) y, sobre todo, vírgenes:

«En ambos jardines habrá doncellas de mirada recatada, a quienes ningún humano ni yinn ha tocado jamás».
Corán 55:56

El Corán no da ninguna cifra: las famosas 72 vírgenes proceden de un hadiz, como bonificación para los mártires (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1663). Una perspectiva tentadora, lo admito, aunque personalmente prefiero a las mujeres con experiencia. La competencia es feroz en el mercado del más allá, así que no tiene sentido escatimar en promesas. Al fin y al cabo, ningún cliente ha vuelto nunca a pedir un reembolso.

A diferencia de las demás religiones abrahámicas, el islam no se conforma con explotar nuestras angustias existenciales: también juega con nuestras hormonas. Las de los seres humanos de pleno derecho, por supuesto. No las de sus subordinadas, las mujeres, que según el Profeta constituyen la mayoría de los moradores del infierno (Sahih al-Bujari 29).

Además, su inteligencia es deficiente, y en este punto Alá y su Mensajero coinciden. Alá exige dos mujeres para sustituir a un testigo varón, por si una de ellas olvida (2:282), y las describe como incapaces de «imponerse en las disputas» (43:18). El Profeta saca la conclusión: «Esta es la deficiencia de su inteligencia» (Sahih al-Bujari 304). Y de todas las pruebas que dejó tras de sí, ninguna es «más dura para los hombres que las mujeres» (Sahih al-Bujari 5096).

Aconsejo leer estos versículos en varias sesiones, repartidas a lo largo de un período bastante largo. Tragarse tanta sabiduría y poesía divinas de una sola vez podría ser peligroso: tu cerebro podría no sobrevivir al impacto.

Los críticos audaces del islam objetarán que muchos otros versículos llamativos merecían un lugar aquí. Sin duda. Pero el objetivo no es copiar el Corán entero: esta antología de instrucciones del Creador de todas las cosas ya es lo bastante picante y voluminosa así. Irá creciendo con el tiempo.

Para ahorrarte tiempo, he puesto en negrita los pasajes clave de cada versículo.

La traducción al inglés del significado de los versículos coránicos que figuran a continuación es obra del Dr. Mustafa Khattab. Puedes encontrar otras traducciones de los versículos presentados a continuación en quran.com.

Cabe señalar que algunos defensores de Alá afirman que todas las traducciones alteran profundamente el sentido de los versículos. Según varios exmusulmanes arabófonos, las traducciones suelen estar edulcoradas y suavizadas con eufemismos en comparación con la versión árabe original. La versión original es, al parecer, a menudo más sombría que las traducciones.

Basta de cháchara: empecemos.

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  • “They have taken their rabbis and monks as well as the Messiah, son of Mary, as lords besides Allah, even though they were commanded to worship none but One God. There is no god worthy of worship except Him. Glorified is He above what they associate with Him!”

    Sura 9, versículo 31 #AllahIsTyrannical#AllahAdulatesHimself#AllahIsNarcissistic#IsAllahMad#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Allah has indeed purchased from the believers their lives and wealth in exchange for Paradise. They fight in the cause of Allah and kill or are killed. This is a true promise binding on Him in the Torah, the Gospel, and the Quran. And whose promise is truer than Allah’s? So rejoice in the exchange you have made with Him. That is truly the ultimate triumph.”

    Sura 9, versículo 111 #AllahIsWarlike#SordidAndMorbidPromise#AllahMustBuyFaithOfHumanBeings#AllahProvesThatHeIsFarFromBeingOmnipotent
  • “Whoever disbelieves in Allah after their belief—not those who are forced while their hearts are firm in faith, but those who embrace disbelief wholeheartedly—they will be condemned by Allah and suffer a tremendous punishment.”

    Sura 16, versículo 106 #AllahIsTyrannical#AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsAngry#AllahIsSoHuman#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • So they proceeded until they came across a boy, and the man killed him. Moses protested, “Have you killed an innocent soul, who killed no one? You have certainly done a horrible thing.” And as for the boy, his parents were true believers, and we feared that he would pressure them into defiance and disbelief. So we hoped that their Lord would give them another, more virtuous and caring in his place.

    Sura 18, versículos 74, 80–81 #AllahKillsAChildBecauseHeIsDisbeliever#AllahIsAMonster
  • Until he reached the setting point of the sun, which appeared to him to be setting in a spring of murky water, where he found some people. We said, “O Dhul-Qarnain! Either punish them or treat them kindly.” He responded, “Whoever does wrong will be punished by us, then will be returned to their Lord, Who will punish them with a horrible torment.

    Sura 18, versículos 86–87 #AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsTyrannical#AllahTellsBullshitToTheBelievers#WhatDoesScienceThinkAboutThis#AllahProvesThatHeIsFarFromBeingOmniscient
  • “Do the disbelievers think they can simply take My servants as lords instead of Me? We have surely prepared Hell as an accommodation for the disbelievers.”

    Sura 18, versículo 102 #AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsTyrannical#AnotherThreat#AllahIsAMaestroOfThreat#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Whoever turns away from the Coran will surely bear the burden of sin on the Day of Judgment, suffering its consequences forever. What an evil burden they will carry on Judgment Day!”

    Sura 20, versículos 100–101 #AllahIsTyrannical#AnotherThreat#AllahIsAMaestroOfThreat#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Bid your people to pray, and be diligent in observing it. We do not ask you to provide. It is We Who provide for you. And the ultimate outcome is only for the people of righteousness.”

    Sura 20, versículo 132 #APrayerOnCommandHasNoValue#WeAreNotRobots#OnlySpontaneousNonObligatoryPrayerHasValue
  • “Successful indeed are the believers: those who humble themselves in prayer; those who avoid idle talk; those who pay alms-tax; those who guard their chastity except with their wives or those bondwomen in their possession, for then they are free from blame.”

    Sura 23, versículos 1–6 #AllahIsASlaver#LongLivePolygyny#DownWithPolyandry
  • “And indeed, We created humankind from an extract of clay, then placed each human as a sperm-drop in a secure place, then We developed the drop into a clinging clot, then developed the clot into a lump of flesh, then developed the lump into bones, then clothed the bones with flesh, then We brought it into being as a new creation. So Blessed is Allah, the Best of Creators.”

    Sura 23, versículos 12–14 #AllahIsIgnorantAboutBiology#WhatDoesDestinSandlinThinkAboutThis
  • “As for female and male fornicators, give each of them one hundred lashes, and do not let pity for them make you lenient in enforcing the law of Allah, if you truly believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a number of believers witness their punishment.”

    Sura 24, versículo 2 #AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsTyrannical#ThisGuyIsExcessive#SoMercifulLOL#FrenchJusticeIsTooLax#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, and not to reveal their adornments except what normally appears. Let them draw their veils over their chests, and not reveal their hidden adornments except to their husbands, their fathers, their fathers-in-law, their sons, their stepsons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons or sisters’ sons, their fellow women, those bondwomen in their possession, male attendants with no desire, or children who are still unaware of women’s nakedness. Let them not stomp their feet, drawing attention to their hidden adornments. Turn to Allah in repentance all together, O believers, so that you may be successful.”

    Sura 24, versículo 31 #AllahIsASlaver#AllahIsVeryDownToEarth#AnyBedouinCouldHaveSaidThat#NoVerySpiritualOrIntellectualMessageForHumanity#TheTyrannyOfMaleSexHormones#TestosteroneRules#AllahReducesMaleFemaleRelationshipsToSexualAttraction#SandrineRousseauSaveUs
  • “And let those who do not have the means to marry keep themselves chaste until Allah enriches them out of His bounty. And if any of those bondspeople in your possession desires a contract to buy their own freedom, make it possible for them, if you find goodness in them. And give them some of Allah’s wealth which He has granted you. Do not force your slave girls into prostitution for your own worldly gains while they wish to remain chaste. And if someone coerces them, then after such a coercion Allah is certainly All-Forgiving, Most Merciful to them.”

    Sura 24, versículo 33 #AllahIsASlaver#AllahAllowsSlaveProstitutionButUnderConditions
  • The only response of the true believers, when they are called to Allah and His Messenger so he may judge between them, is to say, “We hear and obey.” It is they who will truly succeed. For whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger, and fears Allah and is mindful of Him, then it is they who will truly triumph.

    Sura 24, versículos 51–52 #AllahGovernsWithTheHeinousWeaponOfFear
  • “I am truly a trustworthy messenger to you. So fear Allah, and obey me.”

    Sura 26, versículos 107–108 Repeated 7 more times in Surah 26 #UsingTheDivineToGainPower#AllahGovernsWithTheHeinousWeaponOfFear#ClassicWordsFromAGuru
  • The people of Lot rejected the messengers when their brother Lot said to them, “Will you not fear Allah? I am truly a trustworthy messenger to you. So fear Allah, and obey me. I do not ask you for any reward for this message. My reward is only from the Lord of all worlds. Why do you men lust after fellow men, leaving the wives that your Lord has created for you? In fact, you are a transgressing people.” They threatened, “If you do not desist, O Lot, you will surely be expelled.” Lot responded, “I am truly one of those who despise your shameful practice. My Lord! Save me and my family from the consequences of what they do.” So We saved him and all of his family, except an old woman, who was one of the doomed. Then We utterly destroyed the rest, pouring upon them a rain of brimstone. How evil was the rain of those who had been warned!

    Sura 26, versículos 160–173 #AllahIsHomophobic#AllahIsACriminal#AllahCommitsMassMurders#AllahKillsInnocentCivilians#AllahIsAMonster#UsingTheDivineToGainPower#ClassicWordsFromAGuru#AllahGovernsWithTheHeinousWeaponOfFear
  • And remember when Lot rebuked the men of his people: “You certainly commit a shameful deed that no man has ever done before you. Do you really lust after other men, abuse the travellers, and practice immorality openly in your gatherings?” His people’s only response was to say mockingly: “Bring Allah’s punishment upon us, if what you say is true.” Lot prayed, “My Lord! Help me against the people of corruption.” When Our messenger-angels came to Abraham with the good news of the birth of Isaac, they said, “We are going to destroy the people of this city of Sodom, for its people have persisted in wrongdoing.” He said, “But Lot is there!” They responded, “We know best who is there. We will certainly save him and his family—except his wife, who is one of the doomed.” And when Our messenger-angels came to Lot, he was distressed and worried by their arrival. They reassured him, “Do not fear, nor grieve. We will surely deliver you and your family—except your wife, who is one of the doomed. We are certainly bringing down a punishment from heaven upon the people of this city for their rebelliousness.”

    Sura 29, versículos 28–34 #AllahIsHomophobic#AllahIsACriminal#AllahCommitsMassMurders#AllahKillsInnocentCivilians#AllahIsAMonster#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “And He brought down those from the People of the Book who supported the enemy alliance from their own strongholds, and cast horror into their hearts. You believers killed some, and took others captive.”

    Sura 33, versículo 26 #AllahIsWarlike#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Settle in your homes, and do not display yourselves as women did in the days of pre-Islamic ignorance. Establish prayer, pay alms-tax, and obey Allah and His Messenger. Allah only intends to keep the causes of evil away from you and purify you completely, O members of the Prophet’s family!”

    Sura 33, versículo 33 #ExtremeMisogyny#SandrineRousseauSaveUs
  • “It is not for a believing man or woman—when Allah and His Messenger decree a matter—to have any other choice in that matter. Indeed, whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger has clearly gone far astray.”

    Sura 33, versículo 36 #FreedomTrampled#ThisVerseIsVeryPracticalForTheGuru#Liberticide#Tyrannical#Fascist#UsingTheDivineToGainPower#ClassicWordsFromAGuru
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