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Vers, spesielt beroligende, gjennomsyret av kjærlighet, toleranse, fred, intelligens og åndelig opphøyelse

Grunnleggerne av denne nyversjonen av den abrahamittiske sagaen forsto én ting: det kjødelige og det materielle selger bedre enn det åndelige. Derav et paradis langt bedre utstyrt enn det kristne, der de oppstandne «verken gifter seg eller blir giftet bort» (Matteus 22,30). Vanskelig å selge. Den islamske versjonen tilbyr elver av vin (47:15) og fremfor alt jomfruer:

«I begge hagene vil det være jomfruer med blyge blikk, som verken menneske eller jinn har rørt før.»
Koranen 55:56

Koranen oppgir ikke noe tall: de berømte 72 jomfruene kommer fra en hadith, som en bonus for martyrer (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1663). En fristende utsikt, det innrømmer jeg, selv om jeg personlig foretrekker erfarne kvinner. Konkurransen er hard på markedet for livet etter døden, så det er ingen grunn til å spare på løftene. Ingen kunde har tross alt noen gang kommet tilbake og krevd pengene tilbake.

I motsetning til de andre abrahamittiske religionene nøyer ikke islam seg med å utnytte våre eksistensielle angster: den spiller også på hormonene våre. Hormonene til fullverdige mennesker, vel å merke. Ikke hormonene til deres underordnede, kvinnene, som ifølge Profeten utgjør flertallet av helvetes beboere (Sahih al-Bukhari 29).

Intelligensen deres er også mangelfull, og på dette punktet er Allah og Hans sendebud enige. Allah krever to kvinner i stedet for ett mannlig vitne, i tilfelle den ene av dem glemmer (2:282), og beskriver dem som «ikke slagkraftige i tvister» (43:18). Profeten trekker konklusjonen: «Dette er mangelen ved hennes intelligens» (Sahih al-Bukhari 304). Og av alle prøvelsene han etterlot seg, er ingen «hardere for menn enn kvinner» (Sahih al-Bukhari 5096).

Jeg anbefaler å lese disse versene i flere omganger, fordelt over en ganske lang periode. Å svelge så mye guddommelig visdom og poesi på én gang kan være farlig: hjernen din overlever kanskje ikke sjokket.

Dristige islamkritikere vil innvende at mange andre slående vers fortjente en plass her. Utvilsomt. Men målet er ikke å skrive av hele Koranen: denne antologien av instrukser fra Skaperen av alle ting er krydret og omfangsrik nok som den er. Den vil vokse med tiden.

For å spare deg tid har jeg satt nøkkelpassasjene i hvert vers i fet skrift.

Den engelske oversettelsen av betydningen av koranversene nedenfor er utført av dr. Mustafa Khattab. Du finner andre oversettelser av versene som presenteres nedenfor, på quran.com.

Det bør bemerkes at enkelte forkjempere for Allah hevder at alle oversettelser endrer versenes betydning dyptgående. Ifølge flere arabisktalende eks-muslimer er oversettelsene generelt rensket og forskjønnet sammenlignet med den arabiske originalversjonen. Originalversjonen er, ser det ut til, ofte mørkere enn oversettelsene.

Nok prat: la oss begynne.

80 versSide 3 av 4
  • “They have taken their rabbis and monks as well as the Messiah, son of Mary, as lords besides Allah, even though they were commanded to worship none but One God. There is no god worthy of worship except Him. Glorified is He above what they associate with Him!”

    Sura 9, vers 31 #AllahIsTyrannical#AllahAdulatesHimself#AllahIsNarcissistic#IsAllahMad#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Allah has indeed purchased from the believers their lives and wealth in exchange for Paradise. They fight in the cause of Allah and kill or are killed. This is a true promise binding on Him in the Torah, the Gospel, and the Quran. And whose promise is truer than Allah’s? So rejoice in the exchange you have made with Him. That is truly the ultimate triumph.”

    Sura 9, vers 111 #AllahIsWarlike#SordidAndMorbidPromise#AllahMustBuyFaithOfHumanBeings#AllahProvesThatHeIsFarFromBeingOmnipotent
  • “Whoever disbelieves in Allah after their belief—not those who are forced while their hearts are firm in faith, but those who embrace disbelief wholeheartedly—they will be condemned by Allah and suffer a tremendous punishment.”

    Sura 16, vers 106 #AllahIsTyrannical#AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsAngry#AllahIsSoHuman#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • So they proceeded until they came across a boy, and the man killed him. Moses protested, “Have you killed an innocent soul, who killed no one? You have certainly done a horrible thing.” And as for the boy, his parents were true believers, and we feared that he would pressure them into defiance and disbelief. So we hoped that their Lord would give them another, more virtuous and caring in his place.

    Sura 18, vers 74, 80–81 #AllahKillsAChildBecauseHeIsDisbeliever#AllahIsAMonster
  • Until he reached the setting point of the sun, which appeared to him to be setting in a spring of murky water, where he found some people. We said, “O Dhul-Qarnain! Either punish them or treat them kindly.” He responded, “Whoever does wrong will be punished by us, then will be returned to their Lord, Who will punish them with a horrible torment.

    Sura 18, vers 86–87 #AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsTyrannical#AllahTellsBullshitToTheBelievers#WhatDoesScienceThinkAboutThis#AllahProvesThatHeIsFarFromBeingOmniscient
  • “Do the disbelievers think they can simply take My servants as lords instead of Me? We have surely prepared Hell as an accommodation for the disbelievers.”

    Sura 18, vers 102 #AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsTyrannical#AnotherThreat#AllahIsAMaestroOfThreat#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Whoever turns away from the Coran will surely bear the burden of sin on the Day of Judgment, suffering its consequences forever. What an evil burden they will carry on Judgment Day!”

    Sura 20, vers 100–101 #AllahIsTyrannical#AnotherThreat#AllahIsAMaestroOfThreat#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Bid your people to pray, and be diligent in observing it. We do not ask you to provide. It is We Who provide for you. And the ultimate outcome is only for the people of righteousness.”

    Sura 20, vers 132 #APrayerOnCommandHasNoValue#WeAreNotRobots#OnlySpontaneousNonObligatoryPrayerHasValue
  • “Successful indeed are the believers: those who humble themselves in prayer; those who avoid idle talk; those who pay alms-tax; those who guard their chastity except with their wives or those bondwomen in their possession, for then they are free from blame.”

    Sura 23, vers 1–6 #AllahIsASlaver#LongLivePolygyny#DownWithPolyandry
  • “And indeed, We created humankind from an extract of clay, then placed each human as a sperm-drop in a secure place, then We developed the drop into a clinging clot, then developed the clot into a lump of flesh, then developed the lump into bones, then clothed the bones with flesh, then We brought it into being as a new creation. So Blessed is Allah, the Best of Creators.”

    Sura 23, vers 12–14 #AllahIsIgnorantAboutBiology#WhatDoesDestinSandlinThinkAboutThis
  • “As for female and male fornicators, give each of them one hundred lashes, and do not let pity for them make you lenient in enforcing the law of Allah, if you truly believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a number of believers witness their punishment.”

    Sura 24, vers 2 #AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsTyrannical#ThisGuyIsExcessive#SoMercifulLOL#FrenchJusticeIsTooLax#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, and not to reveal their adornments except what normally appears. Let them draw their veils over their chests, and not reveal their hidden adornments except to their husbands, their fathers, their fathers-in-law, their sons, their stepsons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons or sisters’ sons, their fellow women, those bondwomen in their possession, male attendants with no desire, or children who are still unaware of women’s nakedness. Let them not stomp their feet, drawing attention to their hidden adornments. Turn to Allah in repentance all together, O believers, so that you may be successful.”

    Sura 24, vers 31 #AllahIsASlaver#AllahIsVeryDownToEarth#AnyBedouinCouldHaveSaidThat#NoVerySpiritualOrIntellectualMessageForHumanity#TheTyrannyOfMaleSexHormones#TestosteroneRules#AllahReducesMaleFemaleRelationshipsToSexualAttraction#SandrineRousseauSaveUs
  • “And let those who do not have the means to marry keep themselves chaste until Allah enriches them out of His bounty. And if any of those bondspeople in your possession desires a contract to buy their own freedom, make it possible for them, if you find goodness in them. And give them some of Allah’s wealth which He has granted you. Do not force your slave girls into prostitution for your own worldly gains while they wish to remain chaste. And if someone coerces them, then after such a coercion Allah is certainly All-Forgiving, Most Merciful to them.”

    Sura 24, vers 33 #AllahIsASlaver#AllahAllowsSlaveProstitutionButUnderConditions
  • The only response of the true believers, when they are called to Allah and His Messenger so he may judge between them, is to say, “We hear and obey.” It is they who will truly succeed. For whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger, and fears Allah and is mindful of Him, then it is they who will truly triumph.

    Sura 24, vers 51–52 #AllahGovernsWithTheHeinousWeaponOfFear
  • “I am truly a trustworthy messenger to you. So fear Allah, and obey me.”

    Sura 26, vers 107–108 Repeated 7 more times in Surah 26 #UsingTheDivineToGainPower#AllahGovernsWithTheHeinousWeaponOfFear#ClassicWordsFromAGuru
  • The people of Lot rejected the messengers when their brother Lot said to them, “Will you not fear Allah? I am truly a trustworthy messenger to you. So fear Allah, and obey me. I do not ask you for any reward for this message. My reward is only from the Lord of all worlds. Why do you men lust after fellow men, leaving the wives that your Lord has created for you? In fact, you are a transgressing people.” They threatened, “If you do not desist, O Lot, you will surely be expelled.” Lot responded, “I am truly one of those who despise your shameful practice. My Lord! Save me and my family from the consequences of what they do.” So We saved him and all of his family, except an old woman, who was one of the doomed. Then We utterly destroyed the rest, pouring upon them a rain of brimstone. How evil was the rain of those who had been warned!

    Sura 26, vers 160–173 #AllahIsHomophobic#AllahIsACriminal#AllahCommitsMassMurders#AllahKillsInnocentCivilians#AllahIsAMonster#UsingTheDivineToGainPower#ClassicWordsFromAGuru#AllahGovernsWithTheHeinousWeaponOfFear
  • And remember when Lot rebuked the men of his people: “You certainly commit a shameful deed that no man has ever done before you. Do you really lust after other men, abuse the travellers, and practice immorality openly in your gatherings?” His people’s only response was to say mockingly: “Bring Allah’s punishment upon us, if what you say is true.” Lot prayed, “My Lord! Help me against the people of corruption.” When Our messenger-angels came to Abraham with the good news of the birth of Isaac, they said, “We are going to destroy the people of this city of Sodom, for its people have persisted in wrongdoing.” He said, “But Lot is there!” They responded, “We know best who is there. We will certainly save him and his family—except his wife, who is one of the doomed.” And when Our messenger-angels came to Lot, he was distressed and worried by their arrival. They reassured him, “Do not fear, nor grieve. We will surely deliver you and your family—except your wife, who is one of the doomed. We are certainly bringing down a punishment from heaven upon the people of this city for their rebelliousness.”

    Sura 29, vers 28–34 #AllahIsHomophobic#AllahIsACriminal#AllahCommitsMassMurders#AllahKillsInnocentCivilians#AllahIsAMonster#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “And He brought down those from the People of the Book who supported the enemy alliance from their own strongholds, and cast horror into their hearts. You believers killed some, and took others captive.”

    Sura 33, vers 26 #AllahIsWarlike#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Settle in your homes, and do not display yourselves as women did in the days of pre-Islamic ignorance. Establish prayer, pay alms-tax, and obey Allah and His Messenger. Allah only intends to keep the causes of evil away from you and purify you completely, O members of the Prophet’s family!”

    Sura 33, vers 33 #ExtremeMisogyny#SandrineRousseauSaveUs
  • “It is not for a believing man or woman—when Allah and His Messenger decree a matter—to have any other choice in that matter. Indeed, whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger has clearly gone far astray.”

    Sura 33, vers 36 #FreedomTrampled#ThisVerseIsVeryPracticalForTheGuru#Liberticide#Tyrannical#Fascist#UsingTheDivineToGainPower#ClassicWordsFromAGuru
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