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Vers, spesielt beroligende, gjennomsyret av kjærlighet, toleranse, fred, intelligens og åndelig opphøyelse

Grunnleggerne av denne nyversjonen av den abrahamittiske sagaen forsto én ting: det kjødelige og det materielle selger bedre enn det åndelige. Derav et paradis langt bedre utstyrt enn det kristne, der de oppstandne «verken gifter seg eller blir giftet bort» (Matteus 22,30). Vanskelig å selge. Den islamske versjonen tilbyr elver av vin (47:15) og fremfor alt jomfruer:

«I begge hagene vil det være jomfruer med blyge blikk, som verken menneske eller jinn har rørt før.»
Koranen 55:56

Koranen oppgir ikke noe tall: de berømte 72 jomfruene kommer fra en hadith, som en bonus for martyrer (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1663). En fristende utsikt, det innrømmer jeg, selv om jeg personlig foretrekker erfarne kvinner. Konkurransen er hard på markedet for livet etter døden, så det er ingen grunn til å spare på løftene. Ingen kunde har tross alt noen gang kommet tilbake og krevd pengene tilbake.

I motsetning til de andre abrahamittiske religionene nøyer ikke islam seg med å utnytte våre eksistensielle angster: den spiller også på hormonene våre. Hormonene til fullverdige mennesker, vel å merke. Ikke hormonene til deres underordnede, kvinnene, som ifølge Profeten utgjør flertallet av helvetes beboere (Sahih al-Bukhari 29).

Intelligensen deres er også mangelfull, og på dette punktet er Allah og Hans sendebud enige. Allah krever to kvinner i stedet for ett mannlig vitne, i tilfelle den ene av dem glemmer (2:282), og beskriver dem som «ikke slagkraftige i tvister» (43:18). Profeten trekker konklusjonen: «Dette er mangelen ved hennes intelligens» (Sahih al-Bukhari 304). Og av alle prøvelsene han etterlot seg, er ingen «hardere for menn enn kvinner» (Sahih al-Bukhari 5096).

Jeg anbefaler å lese disse versene i flere omganger, fordelt over en ganske lang periode. Å svelge så mye guddommelig visdom og poesi på én gang kan være farlig: hjernen din overlever kanskje ikke sjokket.

Dristige islamkritikere vil innvende at mange andre slående vers fortjente en plass her. Utvilsomt. Men målet er ikke å skrive av hele Koranen: denne antologien av instrukser fra Skaperen av alle ting er krydret og omfangsrik nok som den er. Den vil vokse med tiden.

For å spare deg tid har jeg satt nøkkelpassasjene i hvert vers i fet skrift.

Den engelske oversettelsen av betydningen av koranversene nedenfor er utført av dr. Mustafa Khattab. Du finner andre oversettelser av versene som presenteres nedenfor, på quran.com.

Det bør bemerkes at enkelte forkjempere for Allah hevder at alle oversettelser endrer versenes betydning dyptgående. Ifølge flere arabisktalende eks-muslimer er oversettelsene generelt rensket og forskjønnet sammenlignet med den arabiske originalversjonen. Originalversjonen er, ser det ut til, ofte mørkere enn oversettelsene.

Nok prat: la oss begynne.

80 versSide 2 av 4
  • “Surely those who reject Our signs, We will cast them into the Fire. Whenever their skin is burnt completely, We will replace it so they will constantly taste the punishment. Indeed, Allah is Almighty, All-Wise.”

    Sura 4, vers 56 #AllahIsTheWorstOfTorturers#AllahIsTyrannical#AllahIsAMonster#HitlerIsALittlePlayerComparedToAllah#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “They wish you would disbelieve as they have disbelieved, so you may all be alike. So do not take them as allies unless they emigrate in the cause of Allah. But if they turn away, then seize them and kill them wherever you find them, and do not take any of them as allies or helpers.”

    Sura 4, vers 89 #AllahIsWarlike#AllahRefusesBrotherhoodAmongHumanBeings#AttackingFromBehindIsCowardly#AllahIsViolent#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding#AllahOrdersAssassinations#IncitementToCommunitarianism#IncitementToViolence#CallToViolence
  • “O believers! When you rise up for prayer, wash your faces and your hands up to the elbows, wipe your heads, and wash your feet to the ankles. And if you are in a state of full impurity, then take a full bath. But if you are ill, on a journey, or have relieved yourselves, or have been intimate with your wives and cannot find water, then purify yourselves with clean earth by wiping your faces and hands. It is not Allah’s Will to burden you, but to purify you and complete His favour upon you, so perhaps you will be grateful.”

    Sura 5, vers 6 #ExtremeMisogyny#ComparingWomenToExcrement#AllahIsARomantic
  • “O believers! Take neither Jews nor Christians as guardians—they are guardians of each other. Whoever does so will be counted as one of them. Surely Allah does not guide the wrongdoing people.”

    Sura 5, vers 51 #AllahIsAntiJewish#AllahIsAntiChristian#AllahRefusesBrotherhoodBetweenMuslimsAndUnbelievers#AllahRefusesBrotherhoodAmongHumanBeings#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding#IncitementToCommunitarianism#IslamicSystemicRacism
  • “For those who are Jewish, We forbade every animal with undivided hoofs and the fat of oxen and sheep except what is joined to their backs or intestines or mixed with bone. In this way We rewarded them for their violations. And We are certainly truthful.”

    Sura 6, vers 146 #AllahIsAntiJewish#AllahIsTyrannical#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • And remember when Lot scolded the men of his people, saying, “Do you commit a shameful deed that no man has ever done before? You lust after men instead of women! You are certainly transgressors.” But his people’s only response was to say, “Expel them from your land! They are a people who wish to remain chaste!” So We saved him and his family except his wife, who was one of the doomed. We poured upon them a rain of brimstone. See what was the end of the wicked!

    Sura 7, vers 80–84 #AllahIsHomophobic#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding#IncitementToViolence
  • “If We had willed, We would have elevated him with Our signs, but he clung to this life—following his evil desires. His example is that of a dog: if you chase it away, it pants, and if you leave it, it still pants. This is the example of the people who deny Our signs. So narrate to them stories of the past, so perhaps they will reflect.”

    Sura 7, vers 176 #AllahIsUnbelieverphobic#AllahConsidersDisbelieversAsAnimals#AllahDehumanizesNonMuslims#IslamicSystemicRacism#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Whoever Allah guides is truly guided. And whoever He leaves to stray, they are the true losers. Indeed, We have destined many jinn and humans for Hell. They have hearts they do not understand with, eyes they do not see with, and ears they do not hear with. They are like cattle. In fact, they are even less guided! Such people are entirely heedless.”

    Sura 7, vers 178–179 #AllahIsUnbelieverphobic#AllahConsidersDisbelieversAsAnimals#AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsTyrannical#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding#IslamicSystemicRacism
  • “Remember, O believers, when Allah promised to give you the upper hand over either target, you wished to capture the unarmed party. But it was Allah’s Will to establish the truth by His Words and uproot the disbelievers;”

    Sura 8, vers 7 #AllahIsUnbelieverphobic#AllahIsWarlike#AllahOrdersAssassinations#AllahIsACriminal#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding#IncitementToViolence#CallToViolence
  • Remember, O Prophet, when your Lord revealed to the angels, “I am with you. So make the believers stand firm. I will cast horror into the hearts of the disbelievers. So strike their necks and strike their fingertips.”

    Sura 8, vers 12 #AllahIsWarlike#AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsViolent#IncitementToViolence#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding#CallToViolence
  • “It was not you believers who killed them, but it was Allah Who did so. Nor was it you, O Prophet, who threw a handful of sand at the disbelievers, but it was Allah Who did so, rendering the believers a great favour. Surely Allah is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.”

    Sura 8, vers 17 #AllahIsACriminal#AllahIsAMurderer#AllahIncitesMurder#IncitementToViolence#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding#CallToViolence
  • “Tell the disbelievers that if they desist, their past will be forgiven. But if they persist, then they have an example in those destroyed before them. Fight against them until there is no more persecution—and your devotion will be entirely to Allah. But if they desist, then surely Allah is All-Seeing of what they do.”

    Sura 8, vers 38–39 #AllahIsWarlike#AllahIsNarcissistic#AllahIsJealous#AllahIsTyrannical#IncitementToViolence#CallToViolence#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Indeed, the worst of all beings in the sight of Allah are those who persist in disbelief, never to have faith—”

    Sura 8, vers 55 #AllahIsUnbelieverphobic#AllahConsidersDisbelieversAsAnimals#IslamicSystemicRacism#NonMuslimsAreNotHumanBeingsAccordingtoAllah#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Do not let those disbelievers think they are not within reach. They will have no escape.”

    Sura 8, vers 59 #AllahIsUnbelieverphobic#IncitementToViolence#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Prepare against them what you believers can of military power and cavalry to deter Allah’s enemies and your enemies as well as other enemies unknown to you but known to Allah. Whatever you spend in the cause of Allah will be paid to you in full and you will not be wronged.”

    Sura 8, vers 60 #AllahIsWarlike#IncitementToViolence#CallToViolence
  • “But once the Sacred Months have passed, kill the polytheists who violated their treaties wherever you find them, capture them, besiege them, and lie in wait for them on every way. But if they repent, perform prayers, and pay alms-tax, then set them free. Indeed, Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

    Sura 9, vers 5 #AllahIsUnbelieverphobic#IncitementToViolence#CallToViolence#AllahIsATyrantButMercifulThatChangesEverything#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “So fight them and Allah will punish them at your hands, put them to shame, help you overcome them, and soothe the hearts of the believers.”

    Sura 9, vers 14 #AllahIsUnbelieverphobic#IncitementToViolence#CallToViolence#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “O believers! Do not take your parents and siblings as trusted allies if they choose disbelief over belief. And whoever of you does so, they are the true wrongdoers.”

    Sura 9, vers 23 #IslamIsASect#AllahRefusesBrotherhoodBetweenMuslimsAndUnbelievers#IncitementToCommunitarianism#TypicalBehaviorOfASect#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Fight those who do not believe in Allah and the Last Day, nor comply with what Allah and His Messenger have forbidden, nor embrace the religion of truth from among those who were given the Scripture, until they pay the tax, willingly submitting, fully humbled.”

    Sura 9, vers 29 #AllahIsWarlike#AllahIsUnbelieverphobic#AllahPromotesViolence#AllahIsAMafiaBoss#AllahIsTyrannical#AllahIsNotMerciful#IncitementToViolence#CallToViolence#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • The Jews say, “Ezra is the son of Allah,” while the Christians say, “The Messiah is the son of Allah.” Such are their baseless assertions, only parroting the words of earlier disbelievers. May Allah condemn them! How can they be deluded from the truth?

    Sura 9, vers 30 #AllahIsTyrannical#AllahIsACriminal#AllahIsUltraViolent#AllahIsAGenocidal#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
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