Hadithernes crème de la crème

Her er et udvalg af sahih, altså autentiske, hadither, der beretter om episoder fra Muhammeds liv. Islam betragter ham som det største menneske, der nogensinde har levet, og det var han ikke uenig i: Han kaldte sig selv herre over Adams børn og tilføjede beskedent, at han ikke pralede (Sahih Muslim 2278; Jami' at-Tirmidhi 3615).

Haditherne gengiver også hans lære, og islams guru overlod intet til tilfældighederne, heller ikke de mest intime spørgsmål. Hvordan skal man tørre sig efter at have forrettet sin nødtørft? Med sten, mindst tre, og aldrig med højre hånd (Sahih Muslim 262). I et ulige antal (Sahih al-Bukhari 162). Aldrig med knogler eller møg, som er føde for jinnerne (Sahih al-Bukhari 3860). Hans samtids polyteister havde bemærket det:

»Jeres apostel lærer jer om alt, selv om ekskrementer.«— Bemærkning til Salman al-Farsi, der svarede »Ja« (Sahih Muslim 262)

Det var på tide. Med kun 86 milliarder neuroner kunne menneskeheden aldrig selv have udtænkt en så kompliceret procedure. Muslimer kalder tiden før islam for Jahiliyya, uvidenhedens tidsalder. Nu ved vi, hvad man var uvidende om.

Jesus talte kun om latrinen for at sige, at det, der havner der, ikke gør nogen uren: Det, der gør et menneske urent, kommer ud af hjertet (Markus 7,18-23). Derefter vendte han tilbage til at prædike næstekærlighed. Med al respekt for Guds søn er der mere i livet end kærlighed. Seks århundreder senere bragte Allah og hans sendebud samtalen tilbage til de praktiske ting. Muhammed er stadig langt den mest pragmatiske profet, Abrahams Gud nogensinde har sendt.

Følg disse hadither, og dit liv kan meget vel ændre sig: Muhammed var en formidabel livscoach. Men forvent ikke spiritualitet. Du vil finde jordnære instrukser og trusler, husets specialitet. Også her er kontrasten til Jesus total. Kunne Muhammed være Antikrist? Han ville være en overbevisende kandidat. Ifølge Første Johannesbrev er antikrist den, der »fornægter Faderen og Sønnen« (1 Joh 2,22), og Allah »har ikke avlet og er ikke avlet« (Koranen 112:3). Allerede i det 8. århundrede kaldte Johannes af Damaskus islam »en forløber for Antikrist«.

Originalen til hver hadith kan kontrolleres på sunnah.com.

97 haditherSide 3 af 5
  • Narrated Aisha

    “Once the Prophet (ﷺ) was bewitched so that he began to imagine that he had done a thing which in fact he had not done.”

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 3175 #1MoreDelirium#HowToTrustHim
  • Narrated Abu Huraira

    Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning."

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 3237 #ExtremeMisogyny#TakeMeForAFool#SandrineRousseauWakeUp#AngelsServingMuhammad
  • Narrated Abu Huraira

    Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "The (Hell) Fire complained to its Lord saying, 'O my Lord! My different parts eat up each other.' So, He allowed it to take two breaths, one in the winter and the other in summer, and this is the reason for the severe heat and the bitter cold you find (in weather).

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 3260 #PercevalGetOutOfThisBody#StopSmoking#CheapSpirituality#TakeMeForAFool#AndMyAssIsMadeOfChicken
  • Narrated Ibn `Umar

    The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Fever is from the heat of the (Hell) Fire; so abate fever with water."

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 3264 #PercevalGetOutOfThisBody#StopSmoking#CheapSpirituality#TakeMeForAFool#AndMyAssIsMadeOfChicken#MedievalIdeology#TheGuruSGrossIgnorance
  • Narrated Abu Qatada

    The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "A good dream is from Allah, and a bad or evil dream is from Satan; so if anyone of you has a bad dream of which he gets afraid, he should spit on his left side and should seek Refuge with Allah from its evil, for then it will not harm him."

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 3292 #PercevalGetOutOfThisBody#StopSmoking#CheapSpirituality#TakeMeForAFool#AndMyAssIsMadeOfChicken
  • Narrated Abu Huraira

    The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "A group of Israelites were lost. Nobody knows what they did. But I do not see them except that they were cursed and changed into rats, for if you put the milk of a she-camel in front of a rat, it will not drink it, but if the milk of a sheep is put in front of it, it will drink it." I told this to Ka`b who asked me, "Did you hear it from the Prophet (ﷺ) ?" I said, "Yes." Ka`b asked me the same question several times.; I said to Ka`b. "Do I read the Torah? (i.e. I tell you this from the Prophet.)"

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 3305 #MuhammadIsAntiJewish#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding#IslamicSystemicRacism
  • Narrated Abu Musa

    Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Many amongst men reached (the level of) perfection but none amongst the women reached this level except Asia, Pharaoh's wife, and Mary, the daughter of `Imran. And no doubt, the superiority of `Aisha to other women is like the superiority of Tharid (i.e. a meat and bread dish) to other meals."

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 3411 #MuhammadIsMisogynistic#SandrineRousseauWakeUp
  • Narrated `Aisha and Ibn `Abbas

    On his death-bed Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) put a sheet over his-face and when he felt hot, he would remove it from his face. When in that state (of putting and removing the sheet) he said, "May Allah's Curse be on the Jews and the Christians for they build places of worship at the graves of their prophets." (By that) he intended to warn (the Muslim) from what they (i.e. Jews and Christians) had done.

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 3454 #MuhammadIsAntiJewish#MuhammadIsAntiChristian#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • Aisha said, "A woman from Bani Makhzumiya committed a theft and the people said, 'Who can intercede with the Prophet (ﷺ) for her?' So nobody dared speak to him (i.e. the Prophet) but Usama bin Zaid spoke to him. The Prophet said, 'If a reputable man amongst the children of Bani Israel committed a theft, they used to forgive him, but if a poor man committed a theft, they would cut his hand. But I would cut even the hand of Fatima (i.e. the daughter of the Prophet) if she committed a theft."

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 3733 #ThisGuyWasExcessive#ReligionOfPeaceToleranceLoveAndHandsCutOffForTheft
  • Narrated `Abdur-Rahman

    "I asked Masruq, 'Who informed the Prophet (ﷺ) about the Jinns at the night when they heard the Qur'an?' He said, 'Your father Abdullah informed me that a tree informed the Prophet (ﷺ) about them.' "

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 3859 #HonestlyThisIsCompleteNonsense#ReligionWithoutHeadOrTail
  • Narrated Aisha

    The Prophet (ﷺ) engaged me when I was a girl of six (years). We went to Medina and stayed at the home of Bani-al-Harith bin Khazraj. Then I got ill and my hair fell down. Later on my hair grew (again) and my mother, Um Ruman, came to me while I was playing in a swing with some of my girl friends. She called me, and I went to her, not knowing what she wanted to do to me. She caught me by the hand and made me stand at the door of the house. I was breathless then, and when my breathing became Allright, she took some water and rubbed my face and head with it. Then she took me into the house. There in the house I saw some Ansari women who said, "Best wishes and Allah's Blessing and a good luck." Then she entrusted me to them and they prepared me (for the marriage). Unexpectedly Allah's Apostle came to me in the forenoon and my mother handed me over to him, and at that time I was a girl of nine years of age.

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 3894 #MuhammadWasAPedophile#SomeOnTheLeftAreCollaboratingWithThisMonstrousIdeology#DamnConvergenceOfStruggles#TheEndDoesNotJustifyAllMeans#IfHitlerHadDoneThatWhatWouldTheIslamoLeftistsSay
  • Narrated Hisham's father

    “Khadija died three years before the Prophet (ﷺ) departed to Medina. He stayed there for two years or so and then he married Aisha when she was a girl of six years of age, and he consumed that marriage when she was nine years old.”

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 3896 #MuhammadWasAPedophile#SomeOnTheLeftAreCollaboratingWithThisMonstrousIdeology#DamnConvergenceOfStruggles#TheEndDoesNotJustifyAllMeans#IfHitlerHadDoneThatWhatWouldTheIslamoLeftistsSay
  • Narrated Jabir bin `Abdullah

    Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Who is willing to kill Ka`b bin Al-Ashraf who has hurt Allah and His Apostle?" Thereupon Muhammad bin Maslama got up saying, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Would you like that I kill him?" The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Yes," Muhammad bin Maslama said, "Then allow me to say a (false) thing (i.e. to deceive Ka`b). "The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "You may say it." Then Muhammad bin Maslama went to Ka`b and said, "That man (i.e. Muhammad demands Sadaqa (i.e. Zakat) from us, and he has troubled us, and I have come to borrow something from you." On that, Ka`b said, "By Allah, you will get tired of him!" Muhammad bin Maslama said, "Now as we have followed him, we do not want to leave him unless and until we see how his end is going to be. Now we want you to lend us a camel load or two of food." (Some difference between narrators about a camel load or two.) Ka`b said, "Yes, (I will lend you), but you should mortgage something to me." Muhammad bin Mas-lama and his companion said, "What do you want?" Ka`b replied, "Mortgage your women to me." They said, "How can we mortgage our women to you and you are the most handsome of the 'Arabs?" Ka`b said, "Then mortgage your sons to me." They said, "How can we mortgage our sons to you? Later they would be abused by the people's saying that so-and-so has been mortgaged for a camel load of food. That would cause us great disgrace, but we will mortgage our arms to you." Muhammad bin Maslama and his companion promised Ka`b that Muhammad would return to him. He came to Ka`b at night along with Ka`b's foster brother, Abu Na'ila. Ka`b invited them to come into his fort, and then he went down to them. His wife asked him, "Where are you going at this time?" Ka`b replied, "None but Muhammad bin Maslama and my (foster) brother Abu Na'ila have come." His wife said, "I hear a voice as if dropping blood is from him, Ka`b said. "They are none but my brother Muhammad bin Maslama and my foster brother Abu Naila. A generous man should respond to a call at night even if invited to be killed." Muhammad bin Maslama went with two men. (Some narrators mention the men as 'Abu bin Jabr. Al Harith bin Aus and `Abbad bin Bishr). So Muhammad bin Maslama went in together with two men, and sail to them, "When Ka`b comes, I will touch his hair and smell it, and when you see that I have got hold of his head, strip him. I will let you smell his head." Ka`b bin Al-Ashraf came down to them wrapped in his clothes, and diffusing perfume. Muhammad bin Maslama said. " have never smelt a better scent than this. Ka`b replied. "I have got the best Arab women who know how to use the high class of perfume." Muhammad bin Maslama requested Ka`b "Will you allow me to smell your head?" Ka`b said, "Yes." Muhammad smelt it and made his companions smell it as well. Then he requested Ka`b again, "Will you let me (smell your head)?" Ka`b said, "Yes." When Muhammad got a strong hold of him, he said (to his companions), "Get at him!" So they killed him and went to the Prophet (ﷺ) and informed him. (Abu Rafi`) was killed after Ka`b bin Al-Ashraf."

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 4037 #MafiaLifestyle#IslamicMafia#SomeOnTheLeftAreCollaboratingWithThisMonstrousIdeology
  • Narrated Ibn Muhairiz

    I entered the Mosque and saw Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri and sat beside him and asked him about Al-Azl (i.e. coitus interruptus). Abu Sa`id said, "We went out with Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) for the Ghazwa of Banu Al-Mustaliq and we received captives from among the Arab captives and we desired women and celibacy became hard on us and we loved to do coitus interruptus. So when we intended to do coitus interrupt us, we said, 'How can we do coitus interruptus before asking Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) who is present among us?" We asked (him) about it and he said, 'It is better for you not to do so, for if any soul (till the Day of Resurrection) is predestined to exist, it will exist."

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 4138 #RapeIsNotACrime#AbortionIsACrime#SomeOnTheLeftAreCollaboratingWithThisMonstrousIdeology
  • Narrated Abu Huraira

    Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "When the Imam says: 'Ghair-il-Maghdubi `alaihim Walad-Dallin (i.e. not the path of those who earn Your Anger, nor the path of those who went astray (1.7)), then you must say, 'Ameen', for if one's utterance of 'Ameen' coincides with that of the angels, then his past sins will be forgiven."

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 4475 #PercevalGetOutOfThisBody#StopSmoking#CheapSpirituality#TakeMeForAFool#AndMyAssIsMadeOfChicken
  • Narrated Sahl bin Sa`d

    Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "If at all there is bad omen, it is in the horse, the woman, and the house."

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 5095 #MuhammadIsMisogynistic#SandrineRousseauWakeUp
  • The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "After me I have not left any trial more severe to men than women."

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 5096 #MuhammadIsMisogynistic#SandrineRousseauSaveUs#SandrineGrowSomeFuckingBallsAndTakeAStand
  • Narrated `Aisha

    “The Prophet (ﷺ) was screening me with his Rida' (garment covering the upper part of the body) while I was looking at the Ethiopians who were playing in the courtyard of the mosque. (I continued watching) till I was satisfied. So you may deduce from this event how a little girl (who has not reached the age of puberty) who is eager to enjoy amusement should be treated in this respect.”

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 5236 #MuhammadWasAPedophile#AVoteObtainedByFlatteringIslamIsADirtyVote#SomeOnTheLeftAreCollaboratingWithThisMonstrousIdeology
  • Narrated Abu Huraira

    I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) saying, "There is healing in black cumin for all diseases except death."

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 5688 #WhatDoesDestinSandlinThinkAboutThis#WhatDoesScienceThinkAboutThis#MontyPythonStyle#Kaamelott-esque#WhatDoesMerlinThinkAboutThis#DeathIsADisease
  • Narrated Abu Sa`id

    A man came to the prophet and said, 'My brother has got loose motions. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, Let him drink honey." The man again (came) and said, 'I made him drink (honey) but that made him worse.' The Prophet (ﷺ) said, 'Allah has said the Truth, and the `Abdomen of your brother has told a lie."

    Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari 5716 #TheArtOfMockingTheWorld#WhatDoesDestinSandlinThinkAboutThis#MontyPythonStyle#Kaamelott-esque#WhatDoesMerlinThinkAboutThis
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