The cream of the hadiths

Here is a selection of sahih, or authentic, hadiths recounting episodes from the life of Muhammad. Islam considers him the greatest human being who ever lived, and he did not disagree: he called himself the master of the children of Adam, adding, modestly, that he was not boasting (Sahih Muslim 2278; Jami' at-Tirmidhi 3615).

The hadiths also record his teachings, and the guru of Islam left nothing to chance, not even the most intimate matters. How should one wipe after relieving oneself? With stones, at least three, and never with the right hand (Sahih Muslim 262). In an odd number (Sahih al-Bukhari 162). Never with bone or dung, which are food for the jinn (Sahih al-Bukhari 3860). The polytheists of his time had noticed:

"Your Apostle teaches you about everything, even about excrement."— Remark made to Salman al-Farsi, who answered "Yes" (Sahih Muslim 262)

It was about time. With only 86 billion neurons, humanity could never have worked out such a complex procedure on its own. Muslims call the era before Islam the Jahiliyya, the Age of Ignorance. Now we know of what.

Jesus spoke of the latrine only to say that what ends up there defiles no one: what defiles a man comes out of his heart (Mark 7:18-23). Then he went back to preaching love of one's neighbour. With all due respect to the Son of God, there is more to life than love. Six centuries later, Allah and his Messenger brought the conversation back to practical matters. Muhammad remains by far the most pragmatic prophet the God of Abraham ever sent.

Apply these hadiths and your life may well change: Muhammad was a formidable life coach. But do not expect spirituality. You will find down-to-earth instructions and threats, the house specialty. Here again, the contrast with Jesus is total. Could Muhammad be the Antichrist? He would make a convincing candidate. According to the First Epistle of John, the antichrist "denies the Father and the Son" (1 John 2:22), and Allah "neither begets nor is born" (Quran 112:3). In the 8th century, John of Damascus already called Islam "a forerunner of the Antichrist".

The original of every hadith can be checked on sunnah.com.

97 hadithsPage 5 of 5
  • “'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported that Salim, the freed slave of Abu Hadhaifa, lived with him and his family in their house. She (i. e. the daughter of Suhail came to Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) and said: Salim has attained puberty as men attain, and he understands what they understand, and he enters our house freely, I, however, perceive that something (rankles) in the heart of Abu Hudhaifa, whereupon Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) said to her: Suckle him and you would become unlawful for him, and (the rankling) which Abu Hudhaifa feels in his heart will disappear. She returned and said: So I suckled him, and what (was there) in the heart of Abu Hudhaifa disappeared.”

    Hadith Sahih Muslim 1453B #HonestlyThisIsCompleteNonsense#ReligionWithoutHeadOrTail
  • Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (Allah her pleased with him) reported that at the Battle of Hanain Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) sent an army to Autas and encountered the enemy and fought with them. Having overcome them and taken them captives, the Companions of Allah's Messenger (may peace te upon him) seemed to refrain from having intercourse with captive women because of their husbands being polytheists. Then Allah, Most High, sent down regarding that: "And women already married, except those whom your right hands possess (iv. 24)" (i. e. they were lawful for them when their 'Idda period came to an end).

    Hadith Sahih Muslim 1456A #AllahPermitsRape#AllahPromotesRape#RapeIsHalalInIslam#AllahIsASlaver#SomeOnTheLeftAreCollaboratingWithThisMonstrousIdeology#DamnConvergenceOfStruggles#TheEndDoesNotJustifyAllMeans
  • Reported by A'isha (Allah be pleased with her)

    I felt jealous of the women who offered themselves to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and said: Then when Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, revealed this:" You may defer any one of them you wish, and take to yourself any you wish; and if you desire any you have set aside (no sin is chargeable to you)" (xxxiii. 51), I ('A'isha.) said: It seems to me that your Lord hastens to satisfy your desire.

    Hadith Sahih Muslim 1464A #NoSexualConstraintsForTheGuru#VorilhonAndMuhammadSameGoal#AllahServantOfMuhammad
  • Reported by Jabir (Allah be pleased with him)

    “There came a slave and pledged allegiance to Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) on migration; he (the Holy Prophet) did not know that he was a slave. Then there came his master and demanded him back, whereupon Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) said: Sell him to me. And he bought him for two black slaves, and he did not afterwards take allegiance from anyone until he had asked him whether he was a slave (or a free man)”

    Hadith Sahih Muslim 1602 #MuhammadIsASlaveTrader#HumanTrafficking#ArabSlaveTrade#IslamPermitsSlavery#SomeOnTheLeftAreCollaboratingWithThisMonstrousIdeology#DamnConvergenceOfStruggles#TheEndDoesNotJustifyAllMeans
  • “Abu Huraira reported that among two women of the tribe of Hudhail one flung a stone upon the other causing an abortion to her so Allah's Apostle gave judgment that a male or a female slave of best quality be given as compensation.”

    Hadith Sahih Muslim 1681A #MuhammadIsASlaveTrader#HumanTrafficking#ArabSlaveTrade#IslamPermitsSlavery#SomeOnTheLeftAreCollaboratingWithThisMonstrousIdeology#DamnConvergenceOfStruggles#TheEndDoesNotJustifyAllMeans
  • “Anas reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) happened to pass by the people who had been busy in grafting the trees. Thereupon he said: If you were not to do it, it might be good for you. (So they abandoned this practice) and there was a decline in the yield. He (the Holy Prophet) happened to pass by them (and said): What has gone wrong with your trees? They said: You said so and so. Thereupon he said: You have better knowledge (of a technical skill) in the affairs of the world.”

    Hadith Sahih Muslim 2363 #KeepYourAdviceToYourself#MontyPythonStyle#Kaamelott-esque#CheapProphet
  • “Abdullah (b. Mas'ud) reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) who is the most truthful (of the human beings) and his being truthful (is a fact) said: Verily your creation is on this wise. The constituents of one of you are collected for forty days in his mother's womb in the form of blood, after which it becomes a clot of blood in another period of forty days. Then it becomes a lump of flesh and forty days later Allah sends His angel to it with instructions concerning four things, so the angel writes down his livelihood, his death, his deeds, his fortune and misfortune. By Him, besides Whom there is no god, that one amongst you acts like the people deserving Paradise until between him and Paradise there remains but the distance of a cubit, when suddenly the writing of destiny overcomes him and he begins to act like the denizens of Hell and thus enters Hell, and another one acts in the way of the denizens of Hell, until there remains between him and Hell a distance of a cubit that the writing of destiny overcomes him and then he begins to act like the people of Paradise and enters Paradise.”

    Hadith Sahih Muslim 2643A #MuhammadIsTerribleAtBiology#WhatDoesDestinSandlinThinkAboutThis#WhatDoesScienceThinkAboutThis
  • “Abu Burda reported Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: There would come people amongst the Muslims on the Day of Resurrection with as heavy sins as a mountain, and Allah would forgive them and He would place in their stead the Jews and the Christians. (As far as I think), Abu Raub said: I do not know as to who is in doubt. Abu Burda said: I narrated it to 'Umar b. 'Abd al-'Aziz, whereupon he said: Was it your father who narrated it to you from Allah's Apostle (ﷺ)? I said: Yes.”

    Hadith Sahih Muslim 2767D #MuhammadIsAntiJewish#AllahIsAntiJewish#MuhammadIsAntiChristian#AllahIsAntiChristian#JewsFallenPeople#IslamicSystemicRacism#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • It was narrated that Abu Bakrah said: "We were with the Prophet (ﷺ) and the sun became eclipsed. He got up and went to the masjid, dragging his garment in haste. The people stood with him and he prayed two rak'ahs as they usually prayed. When the eclipse ended he addressed us and said 'The sun and the moon are two of the signs of Allah (SWT), with which He strikes fear into His slaves. They do not become eclipsed for the death or birth of anyone. If you see either of them being eclipsed, then pray and supplicate until it removed it from you.'"

    Hadith Sunan an-Nasa’i 1502 #WeAreSlavesOfAllah#AllahIsASlaver#AllahLovesToInspireFear#MuhammadIsTerribleAtAstrophysics#WhatDoesDestinSandlinThinkAboutThis#WhatDoesBrianCoxThinkAboutThis#WhatDoesScienceThinkAboutThis#WhatDoesCarloRovelliThinkAboutThis#WhatDoesSeanCarrollThinkAboutThis
  • “Whoever changes his religion, kill him.”

    Hadith Sunan an-Nasa’i 4059
  • Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As

    “The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately.”

    Hadith Sunan Abi Dawud 495 #IndoctrinationThroughViolence#ChildAbuse#SomeOnTheLeftAreCollaboratingWithThisMonstrousIdeology#DamnConvergenceOfStruggles#TheEndDoesNotJustifyAllMeans
  • Narrated Jabir

    “The Prophet (ﷺ) bought a slave for two slaves.”

    Hadith Sunan Abi Dawud 3358 #MuhammadIsASlaveTrader#ArabSlaveTrade#HumanTrafficking#AllahPermitsSlavery
  • “Jabir b.Abd Allah reported the Prophet (ﷺ) as saying: Gather your children when darkness spreads, or in the evening (according to Musaddad), for the jinn are abroad and seize them.”

    Hadith Sunan Abi Dawud 3733 #HonestlyThisIsCompleteNonsense#ReligionWithoutHeadOrTail#ChildAbuse
  • Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas

    “The Prophet (ﷺ) said: If you find anyone doing as Lot's people did, kill the one who does it, and the one to whom it is done.”

    Hadith Sunan Abi Dawud 4462 #MuhammadWasHomophobic#MuhammadWasAnAssassin#SomeOnTheLeftAreCollaboratingWithThisMonstrousIdeology#DamnConvergenceOfStruggles#TheEndDoesNotJustifyAllMeans#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • Narrated 'Aishah

    “That the Prophet (ﷺ) used to cut the hand for a fourth of a Dinar and beyond that.”

    Hadith Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1445 #FrenchJusticeIsTooLax#ThisGuyWasExcessive#SoMercifulLOL
  • Narrated by Hammam bin Harith

    "A guest came and stayed with 'Aishah, and she ordered that he be given a yellow blanket of hers. He had a nocturnal emission on it, and he felt too shy to send it back to her when it had the traces of that emission on it, so he dipped it in water and then sent it to her. 'Aishah said: 'Why did he spoil our garment? It would have been sufficient for him to scrape it off with his finger. I often scraped it (semen) from the garment of the Messenger of Allah with my finger.'"

    Hadith Sunan Ibn Majah 538 #ThisReligionIsClassy#ScrapeMySpermWithYourFingersSoYouDontRuinMyClothes
  • It was narrated from Jabir that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Do not eat with your left hand, for Satan eats with his left hand.”

    Hadith Sunan Ibn Majah 3268 #TakeMeForAFool#MuhammadTakesMuslimsForFools
Advertisement
Pleven Publishing

Newsletter

Get our latest articles

Sign up for the Islamic fascism newsletter: our new articles, straight to your inbox.

Our partners