Citazioni ispiratrici

Versetti particolarmente rasserenanti, intrisi di amore, tolleranza, pace, intelligenza ed elevazione spirituale

I fondatori di questo reboot della saga abramitica hanno capito una cosa: il carnale e il materiale vendono meglio dello spirituale. Da qui un paradiso molto più fornito di quello cristiano, dove i risorti «non prendono né moglie né marito» (Matteo 22:30). Difficile da vendere. La versione islamica offre fiumi di vino (47:15) e, soprattutto, vergini:

«In entrambi i Giardini vi saranno fanciulle dallo sguardo pudico, che nessun uomo né jinn ha mai toccato prima.»
Corano 55:56

Il Corano non indica alcun numero: le famose 72 vergini provengono da un hadith, come bonus per i martiri (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1663). Una prospettiva allettante, lo ammetto, anche se personalmente preferisco le donne con esperienza. La concorrenza sul mercato dell'aldilà è feroce, quindi non ha senso lesinare sulle promesse. Del resto, nessun cliente è mai tornato a chiedere un rimborso.

A differenza delle altre religioni abramitiche, l'islam non si accontenta di sfruttare le nostre angosce esistenziali: gioca anche sui nostri ormoni. Quelli degli esseri umani a pieno titolo, beninteso. Non quelli dei loro subordinati, le donne, che secondo il Profeta costituiscono la maggioranza degli abitanti dell'inferno (Sahih al-Bukhari 29).

Anche la loro intelligenza è carente, e su questo punto Allah e il Suo Messaggero sono d'accordo. Allah richiede due donne per sostituire un testimone maschio, nel caso in cui una delle due dimentichi (2:282), e le descrive come «incapaci di imporsi nelle dispute» (43:18). Il Profeta ne trae la conclusione: «Questa è la carenza della sua intelligenza» (Sahih al-Bukhari 304). E di tutte le prove che ha lasciato dietro di sé, nessuna è «più dura per gli uomini delle donne» (Sahih al-Bukhari 5096).

Consiglio di leggere questi versetti in più riprese, distribuite su un periodo piuttosto lungo. Ingerire tanta saggezza e poesia divina in una volta sola potrebbe essere pericoloso: il vostro cervello potrebbe non sopravvivere allo shock.

I critici più audaci dell'islam obietteranno che molti altri versetti eloquenti avrebbero meritato un posto qui. Senza dubbio. Ma lo scopo non è ricopiare l'intero Corano: questa antologia di istruzioni del Creatore di tutte le cose è già abbastanza piccante e corposa così com'è. Si arricchirà col tempo.

Per farvi risparmiare tempo, ho messo in grassetto i passaggi chiave di ogni versetto.

La traduzione inglese del significato dei versetti coranici riportati di seguito è stata realizzata dal Dr. Mustafa Khattab. Altre traduzioni dei versetti presentati di seguito sono disponibili su quran.com.

Va notato che alcuni difensori di Allah sostengono che tutte le traduzioni alterino profondamente il significato dei versetti. Secondo diversi ex musulmani arabofoni, le traduzioni sono generalmente edulcorate e attenuate rispetto alla versione originale in arabo. La versione originale è, a quanto pare, spesso più cupa delle traduzioni.

Basta chiacchiere: cominciamo.

80 versettiPagina 4 di 4
  • And remember, O Prophet, when you said to the one for whom Allah has done a favour and you too have done a favour, “Keep your wife and fear Allah,” while concealing within yourself what Allah was going to reveal. And so you were considering the people, whereas Allah was more worthy of your consideration. So when Zaid totally lost interest in keeping his wife, We gave her to you in marriage, so that there would be no blame on the believers for marrying the ex-wives of their adopted sons after their divorce. And Allah’s command is totally binding.

    Sura 33, versetto 37 #ThisVerseIsVeryPracticalForTheGuru#LongLivePolygyny#DownWithPolyandry
  • “O Prophet! We have made lawful for you your wives to whom you have paid their full dowries as well as those bondwomen in your possession, whom Allah has granted you. And you are allowed to marry the daughters of your paternal uncles and aunts, and the daughters of your maternal uncles and aunts, who have emigrated like you. Also allowed for marriage is a believing woman who offers herself to the Prophet without dowry if he is interested in marrying her—this is exclusively for you, not for the rest of the believers. We know well what rulings We have ordained for the believers in relation to their wives and those bondwomen in their possession. As such, there would be no blame on you. And Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

    Sura 33, versetto 50 #AVerseThatComesAtTheRightTime#AllahIsAProudSlaver#AllahSpoilsHisChampion#RaelPlagiarizedMomo#TheVerseThatAuthorizesHaremsForMomoAndTheCaliphs
  • “It is not lawful for you O Prophet to marry more women after this, nor can you replace any of your present wives with another, even if her beauty may attract you—except those bondwomen in your possession. And Allah is ever Watchful over all things.”

    Sura 33, versetto 52 #AllahIsASlaver
  • “O believers! Do not enter the homes of the Prophet without permission and if invited for a meal, do not come too early and linger until the meal is ready. But if you are invited, then enter on time. Once you have eaten, then go on your way, and do not stay for casual talk. Such behaviour is truly annoying to the Prophet, yet he is too shy to ask you to leave. But Allah is never shy of the truth. And when you believers ask his wives for something, ask them from behind a barrier. This is purer for your hearts and theirs. And it is not right for you to annoy the Messenger of Allah, nor ever marry his wives after him. This would certainly be a major offence in the sight of Allah.”

    Sura 33, versetto 53 #MuhammadIsAVeryShyMan#TheTyrannyOfMaleSexHormones#TestosteroneRules#AllahReducesMaleFemaleRelationshipsToSexualAttraction
  • “There is no blame on the Prophet’s wives if they appear unveiled before their fathers, their sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their fellow Muslim women, and those bondspeople in their possession. And be mindful of Allah O wives of the Prophet! Surely Allah is a Witness over all things.”

    Sura 33, versetto 55 #AllahIsASlaver
  • “O Prophet! Ask your wives, daughters, and believing women to draw their cloaks over their bodies. In this way it is more likely that they will be recognized as virtuous and not be harassed. And Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

    Sura 33, versetto 59 #SandrineRousseauSaveUs#TheTyrannyOfMaleSexHormones#TestosteroneRules
  • “So We will certainly make the disbelievers taste a severe punishment, and We will surely repay them according to the worst of their deeds. That is the reward of Allah’s enemies: the Fire, which will be their eternal home—a fitting reward for their denial of Our revelations.”

    Sura 41, versetti 27–28 #AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsATyrant#AllahIsACriminal#AllahIsHumanInTheWorstPossibleWay#AllahIsAnythingButDivine#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Do they attribute to Him those (women) who are brought up in fineries and are not commanding in disputes?”

    Sura 43, versetto 18 #AllahIsMisogynistic#SandrineRousseauSaveUs
  • “So when you meet the disbelievers in battle, strike their necks until you have thoroughly subdued them, then bind them firmly. Later free them either as an act of grace or by ransom until the war comes to an end. So will it be. Had Allah willed, He Himself could have inflicted punishment on them. But He does this only to test some of you by means of others. And those who are martyred in the cause of Allah, He will never render their deeds void.”

    Sura 47, versetto 4 #AllahIsWarlike#AllahProneViolenceAmongHumanBeings#AllahIsUltraViolent#AllahLovesItWhenPeopleSacrificeTheirLivesForHisProject#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “Then how horrible will it be when the angels take their souls, beating their faces and backs!”

    Sura 47, versetto 27 #WithAllahEvenAngelsAreEvilMurderousAndViolent
  • “And whoever does not believe in Allah and His Messenger, then We surely have prepared for the disbelievers a blazing Fire.”

    Sura 48, versetto 13 #AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsATyrant#AllahIsACriminal#AllahIsHumanInTheWorstPossibleWay#AllahIsAnythingButDivine#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • Say to nomadic Arabs, who stayed behind, “You will be called to fight against a people of great might, who you will fight unless they submit. If you then obey, Allah will grant you a fine reward. But if you turn away as you did before, He will inflict upon you a painful punishment.” There is no blame on the blind, or the disabled, or the sick for staying behind. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger will be admitted by Him into Gardens under which rivers flow. But whoever turns away will be subjected by Him to a painful punishment.

    Sura 48, versetti 16–17 #AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsATyrant#AllahIsACriminal#AllahIsHumanInTheWorstPossibleWay#AllahIsAnythingButDivine#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • “And He created the pairs—males and females—from a sperm-drop when it is emitted.”

    Sura 53, versetti 45–46 #AllahIsIgnorantAboutBiology#WhatDoesScienceThinkAboutThis
  • “In both Gardens will be maidens of modest gaze, who no human or jinn has ever touched before.”

    Sura 55, versetto 56 #ParadiseIsABrothel#Miam#IWantToBecomeAMuslim#AllahForgetWhatISaidYouAreTheBest#ZeusIsNotEvenInYourLeague
  • “You will never find a people who truly believe in Allah and the Last Day loyal to those who defy Allah and His Messenger, even if they were their parents, children, siblings, or extended family. For those believers, Allah has instilled faith in their hearts and strengthened them with a spirit from Him. He will admit them into Gardens under which rivers flow, to stay there forever. Allah is pleased with them and they are pleased with Him. They are the party of Allah. Indeed, Allah’s party is bound to succeed.”

    Sura 58, versetto 22 #IslamIsASect#AllahRefusesBrotherhoodBetweenMuslimsAndUnbelievers#IncitementToCommunitarianism#TypicalBehaviorOfASect#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
  • You already have an excellent example in Abraham and those with him, when they said to their people, “We totally dissociate ourselves from you and shun whatever idols you worship besides Allah. We reject you. The enmity and hatred that has arisen between us and you will last until you believe in Allah alone.” The only exception is when Abraham said to his father, “I will seek forgiveness for you,” adding, “but I cannot protect you from Allah at all.” The believers prayed, “Our Lord! In You we trust. And to You we always turn. And to You is the final return.

    Sura 60, versetto 4 #IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding#NoToleranceForOtherOpinions
  • “As for your women past the age of menstruation, in case you do not know, their waiting period is three months, and those who have not menstruated as well. As for those who are pregnant, their waiting period ends with delivery. And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make their matters easy for them.”

    Sura 65, versetto 4 #AllahAllowsPedophilia
  • “And those who fear the punishment of their Lord—knowing that none should feel secure from their Lord’s punishment—and those who guard their chastity except with their wives or those bondwomen in their possession, for then they are free from blame, but whoever seeks beyond that are the transgressors.”

    Sura 70, versetti 27–31 #Liberticide#AllahIsASlaver#AllahGovernsWithTheHeinousWeaponOfFear
  • “And your fellow man is not insane. And he did see that angel on the clear horizon, and he does not withhold what is revealed to him of the unseen. And this Quran is not the word of an outcast devil.”

    Sura 81, versetti 22–25 #DontTakeMeForAnIdiot#WhatAreYouSmoking#AndMyAssIsARoastChicken#TwoBitSpirituality
  • “Indeed, those who disbelieve from the People of the Book and the polytheists will be in the Fire of Hell, to stay there forever. They are the worst of all beings. Indeed, those who believe and do good—they are the best of all beings.”

    Sura 98, versetti 6–7 #AllahIsJudeophobic#AllahIsChristianophobic#AllahIsDisbelieverphobic#NoToleranceForOtherOpinions#AllahIsATorturer#AllahIsACriminal#AllahIsFascist#AllahIsTyrannical#IslamicSystemicRacism#IslamicSupremacism#IncitementToHatred#PlevenLawWhereAreYouHiding
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